So, Taylor Swift dropped her latest musical masterpiece, “The Tortured Poets Department,” and guess what? It’s not just a regular album – it’s a surprise double album with a whopping 31 songs! That’s right, folks; 31 chances for you to question your life choices and wonder if you’ll ever make it out alive.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against Tay Tay, but let’s face it – listening to 31 of her songs back-to-back is like signing up for a marathon and realizing you forgot your running shoes. Sure, her lyrics might be deep and meaningful, but can we get something to tap our toes? Where are the catchy tunes like “Shake It Up” or “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together?” It’s like searching for a unicorn in a sea of asses.

By the time I reached the end of the record, I was half-asleep, utterly bald from boredom, and contemplating starting a new career as a hairless wonder. I must have missed the memo regarding the enigma, Ms. Swift. Maybe it’s her unique vocal style – it’s less diva and more “I’m just here to talk-sing, okay?” When she wants to add some oomph to a lyric, she doesn’t hold back – it’s like she’s trying to break the sound barrier with her voice. She just screams. (Who’s Afraid Of Little Ole Me?)

Perhaps Taylor should take a breather before her next musical extravaganza and focus on crafting melodies that stick in your head like glitter at a craft fair. So, here’s to hoping for less hair-pulling boredom and more toe-tapping catchiness in the next Tay Tay album. Cheers to the musical rollercoaster, Taylor Swift’s discography!